Since I got home from work I’ve been reading everything I can about other people who have adopted from Kazakhstan so that I could learn more about the journey ahead of us. I’ve bookmarked so many websites about Kazakhstan, adoptions, the country, etc.

Michelle has been in contact with one agency a lot asking different questions over the past couple months. Of course I came up with 13 of my own questions this evening. I typed them all up and will email them to the lady tomorrow and hope for a quick reply. You know, I like to turn over absolutely every rock before I decide anything!

I really can’t believe we are doing this, and that I’m ok with it! Afterall Kazakhstan is on the OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD from Michigan!

Shouldn’t I be afraid? Do I know what we are getting into? It can only be because of God’s love that he has put a calmness in my heart.

I’m so ok with all of this. Spending all the money, going out of the country, being on an airplane for what will seem like eternity.

It’s so hard to concentrate on anything else once my mind gets on this journey that is ahead of us! I found the cutest picture of a Kazakhstan baby boy today in an adoption story and I just can’t get him out of my head! I would be his daddy in a heartbeat!

Even on the way home from the office today the thought occurred to me “I sure hope we don’t accidentally get pregnant at some point”. That is just so weid that I would think that. I almost drove off the road when I realized that thought was in my mind.

What has happened to me? What is God doing to me? I don’t know, but I know I am His and I know that He is here with us.

After a couple months of us being married we thought we would begin the process of trying to have a child of our own. After working on it for a few months with no results we consulted with a fertility doctor. We worked with the doctor for many months but still no results.

In about September 2008 Michelle had started looking at other options such as adoption. I was not ready to give up on “us” having a child.

I prayed to God all the time about it. During my prayers I cried, yelled, begged, pleaded, bargained, etc. with God to please let us have a child. I wondered why God wouldn’t understand our feelings and allow us so much pain. It just didn’t seem fair. I had been told that “God will honor your hearts desires”, yet it didn’t seem like He knew what the plan was! This went on for many months – or so it seems. We had the best fertility doctor in the state and on top of it his is a Christian! Well of course God helped us find him so that he could fulfill God’s plans – I knew that had to be the case.

I wasn’t ready to think about anything other than Michelle and I having a child. That was the plan and that was how it was going to be!

From time to time Michelle would sweetly talk to me about considering adoption. We even went to two adoption agencies in September 2008, but I really didn’t hear what they said because I still had “my” plan and it didn’t involve adoption.

I had prayed so many times “God please show me what I have to do to have a child”. I begged him to “write it on the wall for me”. See I’m the type that needs it in back and white. I want to know, and I want to know for sure!

In mid-January I had a secret thought in my brain, something that I didn’t tell Michelle or pray to God about. I didn’t want anyone including Him to know what I was thinking. My thoughts were that if He really wanted to close the door on us having a biological child of our own then on Thursday, January 29, 2009 he could do a certain thing to show me. Somehow I knew that He wouldn’t do anything on that date, it just wouldn’t happen. That day came and wouldn’t you know it, he closed the door.

During the past months God was working on my heart, yet I didn’t know it at the time. He was preparing me to broaden my horizon, to think further, and most important to trust Him and walk through the doors He opens for us.

Wow, this is a huge thing for me. I’m the type that makes the plans, not one that just “goes by faith”.

Well God has revealed to us that he has a plan. It’s not “Plan B”, it’s “Plan A”. It’s His plan, and it turns out that my beautiful wife Michelle was already on it. Back when the thought of adoption entered her heart she told me about Kazakhstan – but I really wasn’t listening with my heart. Then she was drawn to Guatemala but found out that country is closed to adoptions.

Our Pastor recently asked a question during a Sunday sermon “What is your greatest goal in life – your defining purpose?”. Without any hesitation I wrote on my outline “To make a difference in the life of a child”. That moment in time is a line in the sand for me, a turning point in my life.

The Sunday before that we had missionaries at our Church talking about the work they are doing in Uzbekistan and they showed a map projected on a huge wall that showed Kazakhstan as big as life. Of course when I noticed that I could not concentrate on anything they said, and Michelle started jabbing me in the side as if to say “God is showing you the writing on the wall you asked for!”

It’s sort of a blur looking back now, but I feel much more clarity in my life and in the events of the past few weeks.

I know without any doubt that God closed the door to us having a biological child. And only through the Grace of God it doesn’t bother me any longer. I’m actually relieved as weird as that sounds.

I know that He has the best plan for us. More than I could ever come up with. His plan is the only plan and is the absolute correct plan.

So at this time we are excited about adopting our son or daughter from Kazakhstan. Michelle already knows all about Kazakhstan, has asked 4 or 5 agencies a million questions about it over the past couple months. We are currently in the phase of selecting an adoption agency to assist us with God’s plan.

I am so excited and honored that God would allow us to go down this path. I’m sure there will be many challenges in this process, and probably good days and bad days. But I do know this – it will be in His timeframe not ours, it will be by His Grace that we are approved to adopt an orphan from Kazakhstan.

We ask for your prayers in this journey.